When dealing with a covert narcissist, you’ve probably realized that these people can be challenging. They can be charming and manipulative, making it difficult to know how to deal with them. It can be challenging to identify covert narcissists because they do not behave like the overt ones who are arrested for stalking or physically assaulting others. But there are ways to figure them out.
Here are 10 critical facts to know about covert narcissists:
Number 1: Covert Narcissists Have Extreme Sensitivity To Criticism.
Covert narcissists have extreme sensitivity to criticism. Covert narcissists have a deep-seated need to be admired. They are highly sensitive to criticism. They may feel attacked or belittled, even when their feelings are not intended. Covert narcissists frequently feel unfairly targeted and lash out at the other person to regain control of the situation.
They may also withdraw from conflict situations, claiming that they do not want to waste their time on people who do not accept them for who they are. Covert narcissists will do everything in their power to avoid criticism. They have a deep need for control and can’t stand being told they’re wrong. They are their worst critics and will often go out of their way to prove their self-worth, even if it means taking advantage of others.
Number 2: They Tend To Devalue Themselves.
Covert narcissists tend to have a fragile sense of self, and they’re constantly worried that others will see right through them and realize how little value they have. Covert narcissists often say things like “I’m so stupid” or “I’m such an idiot.” Covert narcissists do this because they want to be seen as humble and modest. They also tend to have low self-esteem and feel that others don’t appreciate them enough. These narcissists feel like their talents are being overlooked, so they try to make up for it by doing good deeds for others. Still, it’s just a defense mechanism against criticism.
Number 3: They Have Grandiose Fantasies.
Covert narcissists have grandiose fantasies, thinking they’re better than everyone else. They may feel they’re more intelligent than others or deserve more money or power than others. They also feel entitled and believe they are entitled to special treatment. Covert narcissists have grandiose fantasies about themselves, which they may act out to attain power and control over others around them. These fantasies usually revolve around themes such as heroism or being special. Covert narcissists may talk about themselves in a way that suggests they think they’re great but quite fragile.”
Number 4: They tend to hold grudges.
Covert narcissists tend to hold grudges, and they can be very vengeful. If you have wronged them in any way, they will take it personally and hold a grudge against you that could last for years. Covert narcissists aren’t often quite good at hiding their hostility, so if you’re not paying close attention, you might not notice it. This makes them unpredictable, so you might not know when they’ll lash out at you.
The problem is not that covert narcissists are two-faced, but rather that they have two faces: the one they show to the world and the one they show when no one is looking. They may look like friendly people when you first meet them, but if you cross them, even accidentally, the mask comes off, and you’ll see another side of them entirely.
Number 5: They Fake Empathy.
Covert narcissists exhibit many of the same characteristics as overt narcissists, but they’re more subtle. So overt narcissists are all about themselves, so they’ll brag and show off to get what they want. Covert narcissists are more likely to use manipulation tactics to get what they want and manipulate others into believing they’re good people who care about others. They’re great at faking feelings of compassion or empathy, even though they don’t feel them.
Covert narcissists are often charming and charismatic and have a way of making you feel like they care about you, even though they don’t at all. They’ll pay attention to what you say, ask questions about your interests, and then listen attentively while seeming to care deeply. This makes covert narcissists so dangerous. They can convince everyone around them that they can be dependable at all times, while secretly having no intention of being there for anyone but themselves.
Number 6: They Have Feelings Of Inadequacy.
Covert narcissists may feel they cannot live up to the expectations of others, so they will often put themselves down to make themselves seem less of a threat. They also tend to be uncomfortable with praise or compliments as they don’t feel like they deserve them. Covert narcissists make others feel inferior and insecure for them to be looked up to and followed.
Many covert narcissists were raised by either narcissistic parents or could not provide the level of validation and attention they desired. These people felt they needed to become more important than everyone else because they couldn’t get the attention they needed from their parents. They turned the world around them.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
Number 7: They Use Projection As A Defense Mechanism.
Covert narcissists frequently accuse those around them of doing what they are doing. This is because it is easier to blame others than to accept responsibility for one’s actions. For example, suppose a covert narcissist has done something harmful or hurtful. In that case, they may project their actions onto others by saying, “You did this,” rather than admitting and apologizing for their actions. When dealing with covert narcissists, keep in mind that they are not only manipulative and controlling, but they are also insecure. They project their insecurities onto others to avoid feeling them.
Number 8: They Try To Control Everything.
Covert narcissists are the type of people who try to control everything around them. They are usually not overtly aggressive, and they rarely resort to violence. Instead, they use manipulation, gaslighting, and passive-aggressive tactics to get what they want. This means they’ll tell you what you can and can’t do, and they might even shame you for not following their rules. They’ll also try to manipulate you into thinking that things will never work out unless you do what they want, and then they’ll blame you if things go wrong.
Their victims often feel like they have no choice but to comply with their demands because the covert narcissist is so good at making them feel guilty and wrong for not doing what is asked of them. A covert narcissist will do whatever it takes to ensure that their life is going exactly how they want it without any interference from anyone.
Number 9: They Tend To Be Introverted.
Covert narcissists are also known as closet narcissists. Covert narcissists tend to be introverted. This means they are less likely than overt narcissists to be the life of the party or the center of attention. On the surface, they may not seem like narcissists at all. Instead, they often hide behind humility, modesty, and self-deprecation masks. They can be seen as highly sensitive or even shy people who are just trying their best to get along with others.
Recommended: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Their introversion makes them more challenging to identify than overt narcissists because they do not draw attention to themselves in an obvious way. However, this does not mean they don’t have very high self-esteem and entitlement. But instead of being outwardly boastful about it like overt narcissists, covert narcissists tend to have an understated sense of confidence about themselves and their abilities that comes across as humility rather than arrogance when you first meet them.
Number 10: They Tend To Be Charming And Likable.
Covert narcissists tend to be charming and likable, which means they can be challenging to spot. They are very good at concealing their true nature, so they come across as warm, friendly, and likable. They’re naturally flattery and charming users, making them excellent manipulators. They’re often so convincing that it’s easier for them to fool even people who know them well. Covert narcissists can also be individuals who get along with everyone. They’re always there to help out and have an answer for everything. They understand how to make others feel good about themselves, making them appear trustworthy and dependable.
Covert narcissists can make you feel like you are the most crucial person in the room, even though they never seem to have time for you. Covert narcissists aren’t the type who brag about how great they are or how much better they are than everyone else. They’re cold-hearted and calculating, but their actions aren’t always in their faces. They hide behind a smile and charm while secretly plotting against you. They make you feel like your life revolves around them, but only when it benefits them.
Read More: 10 Things You Should NEVER SAY to a Narcissist to Avoid Trouble.
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