Are you the kind of person who often stumbles on your words and unintentionally slips inappropriate comments out of your mouth? Your tongue might get you in trouble if you deal with people like narcissists. Knowing how to respond to a narcissist’s antics can be challenging. Still, if you know the things you should never say to them, you’ll eventually navigate your way around the conversation.
Narcissists often have an inflated sense of self-importance and may feel entitled to special treatment. Although narcissism is a personality disorder, not all narcissists are alike. Some will react when criticized, while others may rage. When dealing with a narcissist, it’s crucial to understand how to respond.
Here are 10 things you should never say to a narcissist:
Number 1: “You’re wrong.”
If you hear a narcissist say something a little off from your beliefs, perspective, or stance, be very careful with your words and avoid saying the phrase “You’re wrong.” Narcissists cannot tolerate being told that they are wrong about anything. They will argue and defend themselves no matter what evidence is presented against them. Can you imagine the amount of stress you will get from this argument? Well, you better not wish to find it out yourself because that would mean you will experience it firsthand. Instead, try a simple “I don’t agree.” That’ll allow them to explain their position without feeling threatened or disrespected. Narcissists think they are perfect and know every answer to every problem. So if you ever question their opinions, you will get bashed by them. Indeed, it is tricky to talk it out with narcissists, but it’s worth a try, right?
2. “You can’t do that.”
Rules for narcissists are unimportant because they are often entitled and self-centered. They may feel they should be able to do whatever they want without regard for others’ needs or feelings. Narcissists may also feel superior, believing they are above the rules, making it challenging to get them to do anything they don’t want. That is why, no matter how frustrated you get when they do something that isn’t allowed, never oppose their decisions and tell them they can’t do that. Simply try asking how you can help them achieve their goals. This strategy will make narcissists think that you are under their control, which is an excellent position to be in if you don’t want to fight with them. But can you hold your temper toward narcissists’ unreasonable behavior? If you want peace, I say you control your frustration as long as possible.
Number 3: “You need a change.”
Narcissists often believe they are perfect and should not have to change. If you tell them they need to change, they may become defensive and refuse to do anything differently. Instead, ask questions about how they would like things to be different. For example, “I’ve noticed that we have some problems at work. How can we fix them?” That will allow them to feel like their needs are being considered while providing a concrete solution for both of you. Avoid confrontation at all costs. Narcissists are extremely sensitive to criticism, and it can be easy for them to feel attacked, even if you don’t intend to attack them personally. If you need to talk about something bothering you, try doing so in a roundabout way. It might be hard on the first try, but it would be worth it in the end.
Number 4: “You have no right to feel that way.”
When you tell a narcissist they have no right to feel a certain way, it will be like throwing gasoline on an open flame. Narcissists often feel entitled to everything and anything they want, including your time and attention. If you tell them that their feelings are invalid or not necessary, it can make them feel even more entitled than before. Instead of arguing about whether or not their feelings are justified, try listening to them. That does not mean you have to agree with them; it simply means acknowledging their emotions, which will help you avoid escalating the situation and make it easier for you to de-escalate tension. It also helps the narcissist feel heard and validated, which is what they want in the first place. You need to be able to decipher what they mean between the lines to work out the conversation well.
Number 5: “You’re being selfish.”
It might be accurate that narcissists are selfish, but that doesn’t mean you should say it. Narcissists often feel entitled to the world, so telling them they are being selfish is sure to make them feel like their needs are not necessary. You should understand and find a better way to address their selfishness than saying it directly to them. It’s important to realize that narcissists are not necessarily selfish but often feel they deserve whatever they want. For example, if you tell them they can’t have something because it will be too expensive or take up too much time, they will likely get offended and see your decision as an attack on their character. Will you be able to handle them when they take revenge on you?
Number 6: “It’s all your fault.”
Blaming the narcissist is never a good option, for it will only start an argument, which you should avoid having with them. Narcissists do not take responsibility for their actions, so telling them they are at fault will make them angry and defensive. As a result, you will be in a tight position and can get hurt when the narcissist’s anger makes them raise their hands on you. Instead of blaming the narcissist for their actions, let them know that what they did was wrong and hurtful. You should explain to them how it made you feel and how it will affect your relationship in the future. Laying out all the options in the open is also a way to set boundaries with them.
Number 7: “You never listen to me.”
If you’re dating a narcissist, you may feel like no matter what you say or do, it doesn’t register with them. They can be incredibly frustrating because it feels like they don’t care about anything other than themselves and their needs. Narcissists have trouble with listening, so pointing it out won’t help. Instead, try to find ways to get their attention and gain their interest without asking them what they think. For example, ask them questions that don’t require an answer but will keep them engaged. You might be at a loss for words when trying to do it, but you will get used to it in time.
Recommended: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
Number 8: “But I’m right.”
When arguing with a narcissist, it’s easy to get caught up in your position and forget that there is another side to this argument. That is why you mustn’t dwell on being right, but instead find a solution to make things right. Find common ground on which you both agree and build from there. By doing this, you’re trying to find a way to make the narcissist happy, but by doing this, you also win because you are making things better for everyone. That deserves a good pat on the back, right?
Number 9: “You always have to have the last word.”
Narcissists are often very defensive, and this can lead them to make sure that they get the last word in any argument. It’s vital not to take this personally. It’s not about you. It’s important to remember that narcissists can be very difficult to deal with because they have different values and don’t care about the damage they cause. But by understanding their thought patterns, you will be able to avoid them more quickly, making your life much more peaceful.
Recommended: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Number 10: “I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”
Letting go of a bad argument doesn’t mean walking away from it forever. It just means letting go of it so both parties can move forward with their goals or plans. But narcissists usually don’t want to end it if they don’t win the argument. The last thing you want to do is allow a narcissist to win. They’ll use it as an excuse to manipulate and control you. If you are in an argument with a narcissist and your goal is to win, you’ve already lost. Engaging with them in a heated debate is already a win for the narcissists. The next time you find yourself in an argument, try letting go of your ego and focusing on what’s best for everyone involved. Narcissists can never do that themselves. Wouldn’t you agree that it’s the most civil thing you can do for everyone?
This discussion might sound like saying you should be the underdog, but it’s the opposite. It encourages you to be the bigger person. After all, if you are mature and know things more than narcissists, you won’t want to engage in a nonsensical argument with them, isn’t that right?
Read More: 7 Tricky Narcissist Mind Games That Work (Unless You Know)
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