Clue 1: The condescending smirk.
Have you ever seen someone smile in a way that seems to be more judgmental than authentic? This is our first facial clue to spotting a narcissist: the condescending smirk. This smirk isn’t an actual smile; it’s a signal of contempt—one of the few universally recognized emotions across cultures, where the lip corner is pulled back on one side only and the eyes are neutral. It’s a slight, often smug or condescending smile that usually indicates self-satisfaction, superiority, or disdain.
Contempt is one of the most dangerous emotions to spot; it signals deep disrespect and a lack of regard for the other person. It’s a red flag, it’s toxic, and it’s a reliable predictor in the breakdown of a relationship. When you notice visual signs of contempt—a sneer, eye rolls, or head tilt—it’s crucial to recognize them as serious warnings. These are nonverbal ways of saying, “I’m better than you,” or “You’re beneath me.”
With a narcissist, contempt isn’t just a look; it’s an outward tell of their inner beliefs and motivations, exposing their inflated ego, deep insecurity, and a lack of empathy. It’s their way of devaluing you to maintain their fragile self-image.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
When you notice contempt, such as a smirk or dismissive behavior, use the contempt check. It’s important to protect yourself by treating contempt as a dead end for any conversation. Instead of confronting the behavior directly, maintain your composure and set clear boundaries. Stay focused on the specific task or situation rather than trying to make a point, justify, or convince. If the contempt continues, refuse to engage further. Simply say, “This conversation isn’t productive,” and step away from the situation when you can. By treating contempt as a conversation stopper, you prevent a narcissist from using it as a tool to manipulate or undermine you.
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