3. Their games are optional.
The third secret that the narcissist does not want you to know is that their games are optional. You don’t have to play by their rules; you can change the rules of the game. Because the narcissist, really, their game is kind of like a child’s. When a child plays that game, “no matter what happens, I win,” that’s the narcissist’s game, and those are the narcissist’s rules. But as they’re playing this game, you can change those rules.
Suggested Book: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
It’s not a game of “I win.” With the understanding that the narcissist is essentially using you to regulate themselves and that your relationship, just like any other relationship with a narcissist, is 100% transactional, you can have a better chance at avoiding taking things personally and, in turn, avoiding giving the narcissist what they want. What they want is an emotional reaction from you, and if you’ve ever been there—and I’m guessing you have—you probably know that that’s a downward spiral. Once you give up, once you give in to what they want, then you have an emotional reaction. The chances of you having another emotional reaction immediately after are pretty high, and you may end up saying or doing things that you regret.
This gives the narcissist more fuel, more ammunition to use against you, to continue triggering you, to continue playing their game. Understand: it’s not about you; it’s about them. You do not need to be their punching bag; you do not exist to make them feel better.
Read More: 3 Facial Clues That Expose a Narcissist.
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