#3: They withhold s£x a lot.
They withhold s£x a lot, especially if they know that is what you depend on heavily, that is what sustains your trauma bond. That’s the only time when you feel connected to them. It’s like a gift, it’s like the end goal. They make you perform, they make you work for it, they make you chase it, then shame and blame you. ‘See, you are an addict, what’s wrong with you?’ And they use all sorts of words to tell you that you are a bad person, you’re a disgusting person whose life is only about this one thing, completely forgetting that they are depriving you of love and affection, like depriving you of oxygen, which is why you want that. You want to feel something with them, and having physical intim@cy with them is the only way to do so.
If you are lucky enough, you will get a chance to be physically intim@te with them on your anniversary or on their birthday, and anyway that makes you feel insignificant, demanding, and clingy, because they make all sorts of faces. Their body says it all. Their body makes it seem like, ‘Ah, I’m doing a favor to you. You are so disgusting, you are so repelling to me, but because you leave me with no other options, I have to do it for your sake.’ That makes you feel so unwanted. This is not how you should feel with your own partner, the person that you’re married to, the person who was an entirely different version in the beginning, the person that made you feel special. Now, you have to chase these breadcrumbs, and s£xµal withholding is also done to punish you, to teach you a lesson. All of this, in combination, leads to the creation of an intense s£xµal trauma bond. If you want to know if you are trauma-bonded with a narcissist, read this article.
Suggested Book: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
#4: They demand too much s£x.
They demand too much s£x, which is the opposite of withholding, especially if they know you are not in the mood to do so, you’re not in a state to offer them that. They do that intentionally to violate you because you can’t say no to them, and they like it when it’s really hard to get. ‘That’s what a narcissist told me once,’ I accidentally happened to have a session with a narcissist, and I asked him, ‘What makes it so interesting for you to chase a person? What is in it for you?’ He said, ‘The high. The more difficult it is, the more I like to chase that person. That is what it is all about.’ The more you give them a pushback, the more they will force it on you, which brings in the concept of the ‘R-word.’
That is what happens in a marriage, and unfortunately, so many women and men are left invalidated because people say, ‘Oh, you are married to this person, how can you be…?’ And then you can think of the ‘r-word.’ How can that happen? No, it is totally possible. It’s non-consensual and it’s forced on you. If you do not comply, then they give you all sorts of silent treatments, they stonewall you, and sometimes they become aggressive. You are left with no option but to give in, and multiple times a day, some narcissists are s£xµal addicts. Their tank never fills; they never feel satisfied, which is why they chase it all the time, leaving you feeling like a toy.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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