Number 4: “I’m only doing this for your own good.”
When a narcissist says something like, “I am only doing it for your own good; it’s for your welfare; there’s nothing in it for me,” they are trying to justify their abuse as a concern for your welfare. They want to pretend to be concerned for you so that you give them the green pass—you let them do whatever they want to do, and at the same time, not question their authority.
It is a way of subtly breaking you down in the disguise of being the caretaker, or the one who is concerned about you, the one who really wants things to be better for you, and who wants you to succeed in life and be happy.
Read More: How Narcissists React When They Think You’re too Strong.
To turn the tables around, they give you the silent treatment, blame things on you, or try to guilt-trip you for questioning them, for questioning their authority. Why? Because they were only trying to do it for your welfare, for your good. It’s you who is questioning them—so how could you do that? How ungrateful you are! How unthankful you are!
All of this really makes you doubt your own intentions, and you start thinking, “I am such a bad person. How could I hurt such a wonderful, caring soul? See how great they are? They are thinking these things for me, and here I am—the crazy one, questioning their motives. I am such a bad person. I don’t deserve them.”
So this guilt really consumes you, and you stop questioning them, and they get their way. This way, they escape accountability; they escape responsibility; they escape the reality of the situation, which is that they are harming you in the disguise of being a person who thinks well of you, who thinks about you in good terms.
This is the perfect description of the cliché saying, “a wolf in sheep’s clothing,” because they perfectly fit it in this context. They are doing you harm—they are slowly poisoning you, killing you—and you do not know that it is them.
You feel the impact; you feel the devastation; you are suffering; you are in pain—but you do not know it is them, because they are this helper who is only trying to make your life better.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
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