Number 2: S£x as Performance and Distraction.
You felt something when they touched you. You believed they felt it too. But the truth is, while you were melting in their arms—literally—they were just performing: acting, wearing a mask. To them, s£x is a show, a tool, a means to an end. It might have felt deep and electric in the beginning, but with time, you noticed the shift. The spark started to fade, the intensity dulled, the frequency dropped. You were not imagining it; they get bored really fast.
Because, unlike emotionally mature people who use s£x to deepen connection, narcissists use it to distract from themselves, from their shame, and from their emptiness. Once that temporary high wears off, they lose interest. It turns into a chore—something they tolerate or weaponize when it benefits them.
And for somatic s£xµal narcissists—the ones who are addicted to their appearance and physical pleasure—s£x becomes a drug. They use it not for joy, not for love, not for connection, but to avoid the gaping hole inside of them. They will keep chasing new highs, new bodies, new kinks—but they never arrive. Because what they are really avoiding isn’t in the bedroom; it is in the mirror.
It is the loneliness they do not want to face, the inadequacy they pretend isn’t there, the self-loathing they try to bury under orgasms and sweat. They love how they make you feel, but they feel nothing. That’s why when you are lying there, after looking for eye contact, hoping for a kiss, yearning for softness, you get coldness, disconnection, sometimes even cruelty.
You start to feel used and dirty, plus unloved. That’s not in your head; you were used, and you were not loved. You were just a stage for their performance. And when the curtains close, they’re gone.
Reading Suggestion: 10 Lies All Narcissists Tell.
Number 3: S£xµal Shame and Dysfunction.
They feel shame and have problems with s£x, but they’ll blame you for it. This is something they keep quiet about, because narcissists don’t talk about their issues—they hide them. But those issues still show up in the bedroom.
Many narcissistic men, in particular, feel insecure about their s£xµal performance. They might worry about the size of their p£nis, whether they can stay hard, or how well they perform. But instead of facing those feelings or being honest about them, they blame you.
They might say things like, “You’re the problem! You’re too cold, too needy, too annoying, too unattractive, too loud.” They’ll claim you ruined the mood just because you asked for more closeness or talked about your own needs. They won’t admit that their erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, or trouble reaching orgasm has nothing to do with you.
Why? Because admitting they have problems would hurt their perfect image, and narcissists care more about their image than anything else. They’d rather make you feel bad than face their own shame. So they start picking at your self-esteem, making you wonder if you’re attractive or lovable enough. Some of you ended up getting surgery, going on strict diets, or trying things in bed you didn’t even want, just to please them and try to fix things.
But the truth is, the problem was never you. It was their disconnection, their shame, and their fragile ego. But instead of healing themselves, they put the blame on you. And sadly, you believed it.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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