Number 5: Fantasizing About Others.
They fantasize about others even when they are with you. You could be lying in bed next to them, bearing your body and soul, and they will still be somewhere else, with somebody else in their mind. With their friend, your friend—imagining a different face, a different body, a different scenario. You can feel it, can’t you? Their mental absence, that detachment, that hollow gaze. Even while they are inside you, they aren’t present, because you are not real to them. You are a placeholder, a tool, a puppet in their private fantasy.
One of the deepest, darkest secrets narcissists hide is this: they need novelty to feel aroused. Not novelty in the sense of love or connection, but novelty in the sense of objectification. They need new bodies, new power plays, and new fantasies to feel in control. And once you become familiar, once you become human to them, they start dissociating. They stop engaging. They start watching p0rn behind your back. They start explicitly texting strangers. They start collecting fantasies like trophies. Some they act on; others they just use mentally, like po0rnogr@phic fuel.
Suggested Book: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
And when they sleep with you, they’re often not thinking about you. They are imagining someone else. Sometimes it is a coworker. Sometimes it is an ex. Sometimes it’s a made-up character. But rarely—almost never—is it actually you, because seeing you would require seeing your soul, feeling real love. And that is something they cannot do. They do not want to do that, because if they truly, truly ever saw you, they would lose control. And they need control more than they need intimacy.
That’s why you feel like a ghost sometimes—like you are there, but not really. Like your body is being touched, but your heart is untouched. Like you are being used, but not seen. That is, again, not your imagination; that is the narcissist’s reality. They’re never fully with you—not emotionally, not mentally, not intimacy-wise. And the deeper your connection grows, the more they detach, because a real connection feels threatening to a narc. Real intimacy requires vulnerability.
A narcissist, you know, does not do vulnerability. They perform it. They fake it. But they do not live in it.
Read More: 10 Things Narcissists Do When You Are Not Around.
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