3. What are some of your deepest pains and hurts?
If you ask a narcissist about their hurts or traumas, they might act like you asked a silly question. They think they’re too strong to be affected by what happened to them, unlike you, who they might see as weaker. Even if they admit someone mistreated them in the past, they’ll quickly say it doesn’t bother them anymore; it never did because it’s in the past. But if you keep asking, like, “If you don’t have hurts, why are you mean or reactive?” They’ll get mad at you for questioning and judging them. They don’t see how their present bad behavior connects to past painful experiences. They believe they’re above it all, justifying that nothing happened to them, and all the relationship problems are your fault.
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
4. Why is it impossible for you to admit flaws?
When a narcissist messes up, they don’t admit it and say sorry. Instead, they blame you or someone else, convincing you that it’s your fault. They won’t accept they made a mistake. It’s like they have a strong wall that stops them from admitting they’re wrong. Talking about their mistakes would mean agreeing they’re just like you, a regular person. But they can’t accept that because it would mean having the same weaknesses as everyone else.
For More: Narcissists Always Say These 5 Things.
5. Do you think you need to change or grow in any way?
If you ask a narcissist if they should change, get ready for trouble. They don’t believe they need to grow or change because it suggests they’re not perfect. Asking this question makes them angry, and they attack you like a wounded animal. They think change is like their death – the end of their fake self, self-centeredness, and everything else. According to them, you’re the one who needs to change. They want you to be more obedient, talk less, stop asking questions, and be like a doormat without complaining.
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