1. Keep your communications limited.
The first thing you have to do, if you haven’t already, is keep your communications limited with this person. If you’ve decided this is somebody you still have to have in your life, keep it very, very simple. Talk to them about the things you have to talk to them about, and try not to take it any further. Don’t ask any questions about their life, and don’t answer any questions about your life. And if you do answer, just keep those answers very short and generic.
For More: 5 Weaknesses All Narcissists Have.
2. Understanding narcissism.
The second way you can outsmart the narcissist—and this is kind of building up to some techniques that we’re going to use a little bit later—is understanding narcissism and some basic things about the personality.
Understanding that they lack whole object relations presents a very black-and-white view of people and of the world around them. So if they’re currently angry at you and you’re seeing that they cannot be nice or say nice things about you, they can’t have positive feelings and negative feelings about you at the same time. You’re either all good or you’re all bad.
Another thing we need to understand about narcissism is that narcissists lack emotional empathy. These aren’t people that you want to have knock-down, drag-out fights with because they’ll stop at nothing. If you do have empathy, it’s very difficult to even fathom what it’s like not to have it. But if you really do not care a bit about anyone else’s feelings or needs, it’s not a fair match for somebody who does care about other people.
This is part of the reason why we’re not going for revenge here: also because it’s bad karma, but it’s also just a bad idea in general. When you start looking for revenge, you get caught up in a cycle where it just doesn’t end. You do something, and then they’ll retaliate—probably worse than what you did—and then you feel even more driven for revenge. It’s just not productive; it’s not a good idea. So, a foundational understanding of narcissism can definitely help you outsmart the narcissist.
Reading Suggestion: 10 Lies All Narcissists Tell.
3. Distance yourself.
The third thing you need to do is distance yourself—not just from the narcissist, but from his or her group of flying monkeys or the harem of exes—anyone who is on that person’s side, no matter what.
Now, keep in mind that some of these people themselves can be two-faced. They can be doing double duty and playing nice with you to get information to bring back to the narcissist. So you have to be careful with people who are friends with both of you. Tread very lightly with anyone who is a common friend. And if the narcissist has turned some important people in your life against you, this is a really tough call. It’s difficult to let go; they’re so important, and you want to turn them back. But until the dust settles, the best thing you can do is just let it go, and you can revisit it later after you’ve done some healing and there’s been some distance between you and the narcissist.
It might be a little bit easier to have open conversations about the situation and rebuild some friendships. In some cases, it’s not possible, but there’s definitely a greater chance when a little bit of time has passed. All right, so now we’re getting to some defensive strategies.
Recommended Book: How To Kill A Narcissist: Debunking The Myth Of Narcissism And Recovering From Narcissistic Abuse.
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