4. Don’t give them what they want.
The fourth way you can outsmart a narcissist is to not give them what they want. If you’ve cut them out of your life already, mostly as much as possible, probably what they’re going to be looking for is an argument, or it could be some sort of hoovering attempt. But when you reject the hovering attempt, it will almost inevitably end in an argument because you’re injuring the narcissist by setting boundaries.
So in number four, we’re not going to engage. They’re very likely to say things that either bait or trigger you, and this is your first line of defense here. Just say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” They’re gonna say something that they know you have an emotional tie to, and whether it’s good or bad, your response to those things should be very dry. If they’re saying nice things, just say, “Oh, that’s very nice of you.” If they’re saying something negative, say, “I’m really sorry you feel that way.”
Don’t defend yourself; don’t get stuck in that loop of arguing about whatever it is the narcissist brought up, because that is the very reason the person brought up the topic—because they wanted to bait you into an argument. But we’re smarter than that, aren’t we? We know better than to argue with the narcissist.
Read More: 5 Crazy S£xµal Habits of a Narcissist.
5. Take the power away from whatever they’re saying in that moment.
So if they’re implying that you’re—let’s say they’re saying, “Oh, you’re weird,” you might think back to that “Weird Habits of a Covert Narcissist” article and want to say, “Look who’s talking!” But that would start an argument. So instead, give every indication that you are happy with who you are, no matter what.
This is the good end of the spectrum. If the narcissist brings up something that is truly a flaw that you’re self-conscious about, and you want to respond to it and disarm the narcissist, take the power away in that moment. What you can do is you can either say, “Well, yeah, that’s something that I used to really struggle with, but I’ve come a long way,” or you can use two very, very powerful words: “So what?”
Whenever they’re attacking you and whatever they’re talking about is upsetting you, and you feel like they’re attacking your character, who’s the one who really needs to care about that, right? If anyone should be concerned about whatever it is they’re bringing up, it’s you. And if you’re not concerned about it, that completely deflates the entire argument. It deflates the conversation because, again, what they’re doing in bringing this up is they’re trying to hurt you. And if you show that you’re unaffected, they have no power.
When you say something like, “So what?” what are they gonna say in response? The best they can do is try to poke at you and try to figure out why you don’t care and imply that you should care. In response to that, you can always just turn it back around: “Well, why do you care? Why do you care so much?”
We need to remember that these are people who we’ve decided we do not want in our lives anymore, so their opinion of us does not matter. What they’re trying to do is trigger something within you to make you feel bad about who you are. And again, we’re smarter than that. Even though we all know we’re not perfect, we can accept our flaws, and we can work on them. There’s no need to be embarrassed for who you are or what you’ve done—just own it. Own it, and the narcissist has no power.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
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