6. Highlight the ugliness that is coming out of this person’s mouth.
Just be sure to remain calm, because if your emotions escalate, then you’re kind of in the same place, and you’re losing your power. You haven’t outsmarted them in this situation.
What they’re trying to do here is manipulate the situation, so they’re saying something ugly or hateful, even if it’s super passive-aggressive. Even if they have all the plausible deniability—maybe it’s just a tone of voice that only you would know what they really mean. If it’s something passive-aggressive and super cryptic, ask them what they mean by that. “That’s a weird comment; what does that mean?” Even if you know what it means and they know you know what it means, turn it around on them so they’re the ones defending themselves.
If they’re saying something outwardly ugly, call that out too: “Wow, that was really, really mean! What’s up with all the anger?”
Now, keep in mind that this could cause a narcissistic injury. When you force them to look within themselves, this could cause a narcissistic injury.
Suggested Book: Healing from Hidden Abuse: A Journey Through the Stages of Recovery from Psychological Abuse.
7. Keep a very close eye on your emotional state.
The seventh and final way that you can outsmart the narcissist during a conversation is to keep a very close eye on your emotional state. So pretend you’re wearing a heart monitor type thing, and every time you get emotional—either angry, sad, or hurt—every time you’re feeling some sort of trigger, just imagine an audible beep going off. This is the danger zone. It’s the danger zone because you are highly likely to react in that situation. What they’re doing is triggering wounds within you, and that’s why you want to react so badly to the things they’re saying. They’re so, so good at this.
In those moments—those moments where you have that pretend audible beep—bring it back to you. Acknowledge that you’re being triggered, that it’s going on in here, and it’s not out there. Try to keep it here and walk away. You can deal with that trigger on your own time, but responding in an emotional way to the narcissist is not going to do anything to help your current situation.
It may help you feel a little bit better in the moment, but what’s gonna happen really is you’re gonna get into a back-and-forth argument. There’s going to be a lot of things said that you probably wouldn’t have said or didn’t want to say. So it’s really better just if you can keep it all here and walk away.
So those are seven ways you can outsmart a narcissist in conversations and in any dealings that you have with them. If you have to have a narcissist in your life, you’re going to want to keep the upper hand, and you’re going to want to keep them from controlling everything. You can use these tips. Again, just a warning: if you see a narcissistic injury coming on, that might be a good time to disengage if you can.
Read More: How Narcissists React When They Think You’re too Strong.
Sharing Is Caring!
