#5: “Why can’t you just move on?”
A fifth very common phrase that screams narcissism is that person may say something like, “Why can’t you just move on?” Typically, this phrase is pulled out when there actually has been some sort of a problem that the narcissist is involved in. Let’s say they’re cold busted with something that they’ve done wrong, or you’ve just said, “You know, there are some things that you have going on that are just completely inappropriate,” and they may actually be forced to say, “Yeah, I know that really wasn’t right.” But then narcissists don’t like to have any kind of accountability, and so when they say, “Why can’t you just move on?” what they’re saying is, “I don’t want to have to talk about my negatives.”
So, basically, it’s like, “Please don’t hold me to any sense of accountability.” Over time, it’s like, “You’ve passed your quota; you can’t speak about my negatives anymore.” It may be that you’re trying to sift some things out, and it’s like, “Why can’t you just move on?” which is their way of saying, “I don’t want to have to be reminded that I’m flawed.” And of course, they’re not going to do that.
#6: “You have got to be the most selfish person that I’ve ever known,”
A sixth very common phrase that you’ll hear from that narcissistic person is just a straight-up accusation. They may say something like, “You have got to be the most selfish person that I’ve ever known,” or you can throw in some other comments or adjectives like that. “You’re the most controlling person I’ve ever met,” or “You’re the most insecure person I’ve ever met.” Almost always, when they come at you with such a strong statement like that, there’s a lot of projection going on. They’re seeing in you what they won’t come to terms with inside themselves. But basically, when they accuse you of being too selfish or too controlling, what they’re probably saying is something like, “I can’t tolerate the fact that you might actually have a mind of your own. Therefore, let’s just call it selfish, and then we can dismiss it that much more easily.”
A Book: Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men.
#7: “You’re just too sensitive,”
A seventh phrase that tends to scream narcissism is that simple one, and I know that you’ve heard this one plenty of times, and that is, “You’re just too sensitive,” or a corollary to that, “You’re just overreacting.” Let’s suppose that you have responded to something they’ve said or done in a way that brings out some emotion in you. You’re bewildered, you’re hurt, you’re angry, you’re upset, and rightly so. Rather than saying, “We have a lot of talking we need to do, and I’d like to hear from you,” they just simply can’t do that.
The bottom line is, you must be the problem. The problem is not that they’ve done something that created the problem, but in their way of thinking, no, you just need to quit having the emotions that you have. You need to quit having the unique needs that you have or the confusion that you have. They’re afraid of you just saying, “What I feel is legitimate,” so they just dismiss it. “You’re just too sensitive. You’re overreacting.”
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