#8: “You have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Then an eighth common phrase that screams narcissism is, “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I wonder how many times you’ve tried to express your interpretation, your thoughts, your ideas about how you think, and your take on a way of doing certain things, and it may not match up with what the narcissist thinks. Again, instead of having a collaborative mindset, what they’re going to do is come at you with the notion that says, “Hey, look, I’m the keeper of truth, not you.” So, if you say something that is contrary to what they think is a little bit different, that just means one thing, and that is, you don’t know what you’re talking about. As opposed to, there are some things that I can learn. They cannot think that way.
Now, keep in mind that narcissists must have a sense of control over you. They need you to buy into their alternate reality that says they are the ultimate keepers of truth. But then we have to ask, what’s going on here? Why do they approach you with this kind of a mindset that can be so invalidating or so much of a setup to try to make you look foolish? Let’s keep in mind that empathy is not something narcissists have any need to develop. They don’t really care what goes on inside of you, and they don’t want to understand you from your vantage point. It just needs to be the opposite of that; you need to understand them.
Recommended Book: Becoming the Narcissist’s Nightmare: How to Devalue and Discard the Narcissist While Supplying Yourself- By Shahida Arabi.
Likewise, their own personal pathology is grounded in having been discounted or feeling like they’re on the outside looking in. Therefore, that’s the model they’re drawing upon, and that’s what they do in their way of engaging with you. They’re acting out some of the things that they have not come to terms with inside of themselves. They want to make you the issue when in fact they have a lot of unfinished emotional business, and that’s so important for you to realize because they want to make themselves out to be the hero and the gold standard. When in fact, what they’re doing when they make these kinds of phrases is coming at you with a lot of internal chaos and unfinished business. They falsely presume that if they offer you understanding, encouragement, or support, somehow that negates who they are, their strength, or their validity. When in fact, no, it’s actually a good thing for everyone involved.
To a narcissist, winning means they have to have a class of losers around them, and that’s where you come in, and that’s why they make these kinds of comments. So, as you engage with narcissists, let’s realize that they don’t really understand things like having or developing a sense of mutual regard, mutual respect, or certainly mutual growth. In their mind, it’s all about singularity: me, myself, and I. I’m the only one that matters here. You don’t, and we need to establish that I’m the one that sets the standard. So, as you engage with these individuals, I hope that as you hear these kinds of statements, you can realize, “Wait a minute, I’m onto that. I know there’s something going on behind the scenes that you’re not coming to terms with, but I’m not buying into that.”
Read More: 5 Weaknesses All Narcissists Have.
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