If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you know how damaging and draining it can be. And sometimes, the only way to protect yourself is by going no contact. But what happens when a narcissist goes no contact first? Today’s video is all about the power dynamic between a narcissist and their victim when it comes to no contact. There are so many valid reasons why we should go no contact, especially when it involves a narcissist. But what happens when the situation is reversed? Is there any difference? Before we dig deep into this, here’s a truth we want you to keep in mind.
For some people, going no contact just isn’t an option. Plenty of people would love to go no contact, but they can’t because of factors like kids, cultural expectations, money, or other challenges. But for those who do take that step, the results are a mixed bag. Some say it’s been life-saving, a crucial move for their mental health. Others find that while it was initially freeing, it ended up making them feel isolated and lonely. Then there are people who needed no contact to heal at first. But later, when they had to reconnect with a narcissist for some reason, they found that move beneficial because it prepared them to handle their relationship with them better.
Either way, no contact is one of those tough decisions in relationships where either choice comes with its own set of struggles. It’s challenging for those who initiate the no contact because it requires a lot of strength for them to stick with it, and sometimes it can feel like a constant battle of willpower. On the other hand, for those who are on the receiving end of no contact from a narcissist, it can be confusing and hurtful.
Now, let’s dive into the differences between a narcissist and a non-narcissist going no contact.
1. First, let’s talk about a narcissist going no contact.
When a narcissist goes no contact, it’s usually impulsive and fueled by emotions like anger or frustration. They often use it as a way to punish you or take control of the situation. If they think cutting you off will get them what they want, they won’t think twice about doing it. Narcissistic no contact often goes hand-in-hand with other toxic behaviors like the silent treatment, stonewalling, or basically refusing to talk even while in the middle of a conversation, passive aggressiveness, or being controlling.
What they do is they suddenly cut off communication with you. So, you find yourself blocked on the phone, social media, email—you name it. What’s interesting is that narcissistic people usually make a big deal out of it. They’ll say things like, “They don’t deserve me,” or “Nobody treats me like this and gets away with it. I’ll show them” to justify their going no contact. Narcissists going no contact often show behavior that’s a mix of arrogance and delusion. That’s why you’ll hear them say things like, “Just wait, they’ll fall apart without me. When they come crawling back, I’ll make them beg for forgiveness.”
For narcissists, going no contact isn’t just about cutting someone off—it’s a way to punish and validate themselves, feeding their need for control and superiority. They often use this tactic to teach someone a lesson, making it all about punishment. And since it usually comes from their frustration, you’ll also see them display a sense of entitlement, vindictiveness, rage, or even play the victim. Of course, being narcissists, they’ll often use going no contact as a manipulative tactic. That is, they’ll use that lack of communication as a bargaining chip to lure you back into the relationship on their terms.
What’s interesting is that it’s common for a narcissist who initiates no contact to eventually break their silence. No-contact periods with a narcissist are usually short-lived, lasting just a few weeks or months. When they come back, they often regain control because the person they left behind is desperate to not let them disappear again. Now, if their attempts to manipulate don’t work, they’ll still show up but twist the situation to suit them. This is why you’ll hear things like, “Are you ready to forgive me?” It’s a classic move to shift the power back in their favor. After all, a narcissist going no contact is all about control and keeping the upper hand.
Now, let’s talk about what happens when you go no contact with a narcissist.
When non-narcissistic people decide to go no contact, it’s usually not because of one fight or incident. It’s more like the final step after a long buildup of issues over time. You see, cutting ties with a narcissist is never an easy choice. Most people who did it describe it as something they had to do to heal, grow, and start living a more authentic, fulfilling life. Even though it might feel necessary, it’s never a spur-of-the-moment decision, and it definitely comes with its challenges.
When someone who isn’t a narcissist decides to go no contact, it’s usually because they’re trying to protect themselves. Unlike a narcissist, their decision to do so is not about punishing anyone. Rather, it’s more of a last resort when they feel like nothing else they tried has allowed them to feel a sense of safety, whether that’s emotional or even physical. To them, going no contact is their last hope to step back from a toxic situation, especially when they feel unheard or undervalued. Ultimately, their decision is about breaking the toxic cycle they found themselves in and finding peace and safety again.
A lot of people who decide to go no contact with a narcissist are in romantic relationships with them. But you’ll also find those who cut ties with narcissistic friends or even family members. Toxic relationships aren’t limited to romantic partners, after all. Now, let’s talk about something that often surprises non-narcissists when they go no contact. And it’s a side of things that doesn’t get much attention. If you’ve been on the receiving end of no contact in a narcissistic relationship, you know it can be really painful and confusing.
That’s why when non-narcissistic people decide to go no contact, they often find themselves second-guessing their decision. They start wondering if they’re acting just like the narcissist who’s using no contact as a way to control. It can even make them feel that, like the narcissist, they’re being vindictive, petty, or just running away from the problem by cutting off the narcissist from their life. Of course, they don’t want that association. They know how toxic the narcissist is, so the idea of acting similarly to them can make them feel like a bad person. This then makes it even harder to trust their decision.
Like we said, going no contact is not an easy decision to make for a narcissist. But this is also where we can see one of the biggest differences between a narcissist and a non-narcissist going no contact. We’re particularly talking about grief. When someone who’s not a narcissist decides to go no contact, it’s not about punishing the other person. Instead, it’s usually because they just can’t keep the relationship going anymore. And it often comes with a huge sense of grief. That grief isn’t just about losing the relationship, but also the heartbreak of letting go of what they hoped it could be. On top of that, there might be feelings of pity or guilt for making such a tough, final decision.
As for the narcissist? They won’t feel such an emotion. Remember, these are people who lack empathy. And when you lack empathy, it’s impossible to feel grief for someone else. They might feel anger and frustration, but not loss. To them, no contact is just a game they’re playing with the other person.
